Beneath the Waves
by Emantsal
Summary: Thane was dead, and the only real home she'd ever known died with him.  He had been her world, her anchor in the storm of war that surrounded everything she loved...  FemShep/Thane K. my ending, my closure, my choice...


**Beneath the Waves**

By: Emantsal

**Disclaimer: Bioware owns the rights to all characters and places in this story. I own a dog and a cat (and by extension a few fleas and ticks I suspect!).**

**A/N: **Have you ever listened to a song and didn't quite understand the lyrics at first? Well, that happened with me on Evanesence's latest album _Evanesence_, the song, "Never Go Back", track 11 on the CD. This is what I heard in the chorus and how this one-shot was born. (These are not the exact words, just what I heard. If you're interested, listen to it. It rocks!) Just a little one-shot born of a tragic ending to one of the greatest video games ever made (a perfect score except for the ending and that's all I'll say about that).

_Oh God… the only world I've ever known sleeps beneath the waves_

_But I'm the one who's drowning, without your love I am lost_

_And I can never go back_

_I am lost, and I can never go back_

…_home_

Choice? Since when had there been any choice? Choice was an illusion. In the end, everything she'd done, everything she'd sacrificed, everyone she'd lost…. None of it mattered.

The Reapers thought they'd won. And maybe in a way they had. She was broken, just a shell of the woman she'd been. It was so hard to give a damn anymore. She was so tired... It was just time for this to be over…

Was any of this real? Was the God Child real, or just the Reaper's fucking with her head? Had she really shot Anderson? And where was everyone else? Anderson said "we" followed you up…. They'd all been running toward the beam…

So many questions and no answers… She didn't know anymore. Didn't know what was real and what was a lie…

Choose…

Become one of us….. We will follow you… You'll die and ascend to a higher level… reborn into the collective consciousness that is the Reapers…

Merge with us…. The final step in evolution. A new DNA… Synthetic and organic living in harmony…

Destroy us….. and you kill your synthetic friends… the geth, EDI, even you are part machine, they warned…

Choose…

But the galaxy would go on…

No matter what she did now, it wouldn't change anything. She didn't care…

_The only world I've ever known sleeps beneath the sea_…

Thane was dead, and the only real home she'd ever known died with him. He had been her world, her anchor in the storm of war that surrounded everything she loved... A quite strength that sheltered her when the war and its demands were too much, he'd been her safe place, he'd been her love, the other half of her soul. His love had kept her whole…

But now? His place by her side was vacant. Their bed, cold. Her heart empty, a yawning chasm, numb and cold.

_I'm the one who's drowning, without your love I am lost…_

The Reapers thought they knew her, thought she would care enough to save everyone.

The God Child, the catalyst, _was he even real?_ He used flawed logic and circular arguments…

An option to save life but give her unlimited power is she would become one of them…

An option to create new life if she would merge with them…

An option to destroy life… She thought of EDI, of Legion's sacrifice for his people that was still a raw wound in her heart…

Did the God Child speak the truth, or did he lie? How could she tell? Did it really matter anyway?

She was lost, adrift, drowning…

In the end, nothing mattered and she sank deeper into the abyss of despair that had been her constant companion since his death. The chance to end this waking nightmare once and for all drove her forward. He had prayed for her, asked his gods to guide her and give her the strength to see this through…

_Guide this one to where the traveler never tires, the lover never leaves, the hungry never starve… Guide this one Kalahira and she will be a companion to you as she was to me…_

It ended today. It ended now.

_And I can never go back_

_I am lost, and I can never go back_

…_home_

The ache in her heart, the thought of trying to carry on without him was too great a burden to accept, and only the black arms of oblivion would end her misery now. She had no home in this world without Thane… But just maybe if there was a God in heaven, she would meet him across the sea, on the shores of serenity where there was more pain, no more hurt, no more war…

She was so tired. Just a little longer and it would be over. It took everything in her to raise the gun and aim… shots connected, reverberating through the air, vibrations traveling up her arm… pull the trigger again and again…

She was running now, a smile breaking across her burned and bleeding face. He was there, just beyond her reach…

She could hear the roar of the sea, feel the waves lapping around her feet at the explosion ripped through the crucible… fire erupted around her and it felt like the first stirrings of an ocean breeze, fresh, crisp, the smell of sea and salt tingling her senses.

All around her world dissolved into a white hot conflagration of flames and twisted metal, her body consumed and turned to dust radiating outward into space. Commander Shepard destroyed the Reapers, sacrificing herself to secure a future for a world she no longer wanted to live in…

On earth and throughout the galaxy, the Reaper forces fell silent, their time finally ended, the cycle broken. Only her closest friends knew in their gut that their Commander would not be coming back. It was a bittersweet victory they shared…

A bright moon shown in a cloudless star filled sky. A warm breeze, like the finest silk, caressed her skin, and she sound of waves lapping against the shore sang in her ears. The sand was cool beneath her bare feet. In the distance, he walked towards her and she knew where she was.

_Siha… It is alright. _Strong arms embraced her, pulling her close, her head resting on a chest of green scales, the sound of a heart beat filling her senses… _Rest… You are home…_

_**Post story A/N: **_I just needed some kind of closure, you know? The hospital scene just didn't quite do it for me. Also, can you tell I'm just a little obsessed with Thane?

Really choppy story, I know. But I wrote this at work in between looking at spreadsheets and doing grown-up work. Hehe… Please leave a review if you would. I really makes my day!

Oh, by the way, the song was written in response to the Japan tsunami, I believe. You really should check it out.


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